How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
