im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
