i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
