I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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