it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
