Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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