glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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