the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
