he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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