What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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