i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dear god my vagina.
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