If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
