I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would fuck him just for his dog
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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