yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
