You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bring me that man meat
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
