I must be too annoying 4 u.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
