i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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