apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
