I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
