I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
