I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
