The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
