I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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