Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
