Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
