My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
