The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
