the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
