Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
