My hand turned me down
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
