Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
