Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
