Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
