Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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