? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
