I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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