Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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