You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
