I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Damn victory sex feels great
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
