last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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