She is in my trunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
