Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Who died my cat blue again?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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