All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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