She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
