Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't turn off my feet"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
