he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We need to get me chipped asap
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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