i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am naked and annoyed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
