i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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