I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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