ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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