Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
