is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
