Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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