i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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